Little Independent Publication

2/14/09 – A Romantic Day of Autonomy

Posted in Life by adamkupratis on February 15, 2009

Today is a special day for me.
I’ve stopped my attempt at understanding why, and how. Every valentines day involves an interesting blend of emotional ambiguity and confusion. Whether I am completely single or in some fragmented relationship, I am discontent.
The importance of this day does not spawn from the immature ‘woe-is-me’, alkaline trio waning. But from the creations that come with them. I develop my most memorable paintings during times such as these. In fact, I’m almost scared that when I do find the one girl (preferably she would not need to be ‘found’ but rather ‘happened’) I will lose the creative edge.

Not to linger on my emotions and the state they are in, today is Valentines day. The birds are out and they are B-U-Y-I-N-G! The streets are busy with plenty of suv’s and lexus’ surrounding the Brea mall. People are spending money on a day that has nothing to do with money. Now, I have always found such pleasure in spending money for the girl I am seeing. Even if its a casual date, I like to spend money on them. I understand the pleasure from feeling reliable, or better yet, feeling like some needs you. It gives you purpose and importance. Shallow yes but nevertheless enjoyable.

I know what it is like to have tunnel vision and to simply go without concern for the subtle amazing bits of the day. But it unnerved me today. People just plowing into traffic and angry that the person in front of them needed to slow down for the person in front of them who is upset about the person in front of them… you get the point ad nauseum. (In some places that isn’t a real word, FYI)
Luckily I finally was able to arrive at my point of interest. The local, incorporated coffee bean and tea leaf. I don’t have any premise to stand in defense of my choice in coffee purchase, but it IS better than starbucks.

CoffeeBean Brea CA

Once there I proceeded to order the sweetest drink I can generally handle without getting sick. (Hey, it is V-Day and I was in the mood for sweets) A large Hazelnut Latte, Soy with half the powder in a glass mug. Unfortunately the one person who makes this particular drink the precise way I like it was not there. But I risked it regardless. I realised then that there was only one table left open. I was part astonished at how many people were here during the day of days, and part humored by the wall of asians who were near-military in posture and form. Slouched in front of PC laptops and each with their confused stare that is so iconic for asians when they read.

I’m not going to defend my lack of racism vs observation, but if I have offended you, you are probably asian and resent being categoriezed as does any individual. But look at another person of your ethnicity and observe their face when reading anything on a computer monitor.

Continuing – After accepting the the situation I hurridly collected the change from the cashier hoping that the table, the suddenly important to my life as I know it table, wouldn’t be snatched up by another dissillusioned ‘fitness’ woman wearing the entire nike womans ‘jog gear’ who feels that a shot of espresso after a 10 minute walk is the modern way of being healthy. Fortunately the table existed sans-partner for that period of time and I was able to then build my village.

I came to the establishment with the intent to sketch and read. This day will be enjoyed with or without a valentine. My autonomy would conquer.

Setting up my books on a chair, the pencils and eraser, sharpener and sketchpad. And placing my ipod on Siouxsie and the Banshees I began to sketch. Losing myself in watching people while trying not to seem obvious, time passes by. Switching between doing quick people studies and increasing my knowledge of the anatomy of the human torso. I then realize I am ‘gassing out’ and my hand has started to cramp. This added to the frustration as these V-Day Soldiers try to inconspicuously catch a glimpse of my sketch pad by walking behind me and failing. So i reluctantly set aside the pencil and pad and begin a new novel. One that has been sitting on my list of MUST READS for years and never done so. Ishmael by Daneil Quinn.

After spending another hour or so at the coffee joint reading, and truly enjoying this amazing book, I decide my date with myself has come to a close. The night is yet to come and there is so much I would like to do before my eyes develop cataracts.

V-Day is nearly over. Enjoy it


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